Friday, August 29, 2008

Accidents Will Happen

I never expected for this to come about. Well, that isn't entirely true. I understood the risk I was taking when I set out to create it. But I always took the necessary precautions. And yet, things went wrong. I thought I was safe ... clearly, not safe enough.

My reasons behind fashioning the weapon seem unimportant now. It started out as an experimental technique, which blew out of proportion.

Haah ... blew out of proportion, indeed.

And now I walk, all alone, surrounded by this swarm of humanity. People think that death is like an end, when it is in fact just another form of life. I still feel pain, and hurt, and strangely, cold. I am still here.

And yet, I am not.

They pass through me, without realizing my presence. I yearn to talk, to be heard ... if only for a moment. But I know that will no longer happpen.

Such were my thoughts when I saw her. Our eyes met, she looked past me, and then ... looked back. I knew that face. She was in the same facility as I. And I saw a flicker of recognition register itself on her countenance.

I knew she had no part to play in all of this, but for being an uncomprehending worker in the building, and felt I owed her an apology. I walked up to her, and said ...

I'm sorry that we died. It was my fault.

Her eyes told me she knew more that I did. She smiled, a sad smile, and replied ...

We didn't.

Friday, August 8, 2008


This colleague at work was telling me about his kidney stone removal operation that happened last month (trust me, you - specially guys- do not want to know the details!!!), which got me thinking once again about that non-answerable question (well, apart from "What is the taste of cyanide?") ...

Which is more painful - a guy being kicked in the groin, or child birth ?

Perhaps (s)he would know ?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Phir se single

I am sad this morning.

After over two and half years of being together, she left me last night. No reason. No explanation. No last look. Not even a wave goodbye. She just went away.

We met just before Christmas of '05; thanks to a friend of mine who knew I was into her ... I refrain from using the words "wanted her" because that would sound a bit desperate and creepy. Anyhow, we were introduced, and I knew right away that she was the one for me. Even though most of my friends did not feel the same, and some of whom even told me so (GG, no ... you don't look good together!!), I was smitten. Whether liked or not, she certainly did catch peoples' attention, that's for sure.

She and I spent a lot of time together ... in fact, we were only apart when I was at work, and sometimes not even then. She wasn't the prettiest, or the smartest, or even someone who provided me a constant sense of comfort. But she and I were close ... the kind of closeness that arises out of familiarity. I think I am missing her more because I had gotten used to her. Sometimes, I would be touching her, holding her ... without even realizing it.

And now she has gone. And I ... am sad.

Goodbye, my darling thumb ring ... you will not be easily replaced.

*Update* (1 hour after writing the post): Hallelujah ... she's back!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Grannie speaks

Hello, young tots. This is GG, your gram-gram. It is about 11:20 pm on Saturday night, and I have tucked myself into bed after having taken a shower and brushing my teeth. Since the weather is quite warm as it is, I have not bothered with a hot-water bottle. I have dined on a delicious sandwich from Subway, and have put the second load of laundry to dry. I have also read my book for a bit. The fan now hums slowly and I get comfortable, and begin to write.

Yes I know ... I should kill myself. I will be 28 in four months, and I am already such an old lady!!!

The flatmate and Captain Nimmo have gone off to OC to attend a desi singles mixer event called "Nasha Nites" (I shall certainly not make fun of the name, mainly due to the name of the event I attended some time back), and while they were supposed to be back by 11pm so that we could all go out and they could fill me in with the details over drinks (a sad attempt by me to salvage my weekend, I guess!), I spoke to the flatmate an hour back and they weren't even going to start driving back till about 11:30 or so!! By the by, the flatmate was also out last night, while I once again chose to stay at home even though I was invited ... of course, that was because I would not have been back from the gym (yes, you read that right - the gym - more on that later) in time to make it. Incidentally, dear N has also been partying away in NYC tonight ... he called me on his way back home - at 1:20 am!

God ... when was the last time I got off my ass and went out ? Oh yes, that would have been last week, when Chet forced me to go see Mama Mia!! (I was quite scared that an invite to "The Sisterhood of the traveling pants" would come this week!) To his credit, he did suggest we leave when I looked at him for the third time and told him that I was going to kill him, just as Meryl Streep finished her spasmodic gestures after the title song. Then again, that could have been because I looked ready to walk out, and since I had driven, I had the option to leave ... and he would have had to trudge back home! Oh, while we're on the topic of driving and grandmas, he (and he is going to kill me if he ever reads this) drives like one. You know you're a slow driver when doddering Chinese ladies honk at you, shouting "Get off the road, you old hag" !!! (Chet ... you know I'm kidding, right? ... can I please still crash at your place in the city once you move to Manhattan? :D). Well, we got out, and talked about random stuff for a bit, a large part of which was the whole "growing up" bit. Is it really time to settle down now ?

Anyhow, so that's the deal with my social life ... or lack of it there-of. In other news, I started to go to the gym once again since yesterday. The reason ? Well, I shall list it out here exactly as I told both N and Canucki (neither of whom seemed to have been the least bit interested ... hmph .. witless wonders) - essentially, the Government of India sent me a letter declaring me to be a monument of historical significance, and after I had spent a long time clarifying how I was in fact not the Elephanta caves, I decided to hit the gym. But seriously, if my mid section gets any bigger, I swear a moon will start revolving around it. Plus I will be in NYC in 12 weeks, which should be just enough time to do something about my corpulence! There isn't any relation, but just gives me a date to work towards.

Speaking of dates (the calendar kinds, not the wine and dine ones - which reminds me, it has been absolute ages since I went on one!! Kya zindagi hai.), my GMAT date is fast approaching, and as suspected, I have not done enough to prepare. Ughh ... why do I always end up procrastinating ? I have one month to go ... and I know that if I really get down to it, that would be sufficient time to finish up my preparation, and look up some college information ... but will I ?

I certainly hope I do ... a reason for it to possibly not have happened would have been my joining facebook a couple of days back (after B goaded me endlessly. Ok fine - told me a couple of times, but she used her chaeeeen type voice!) and spending all my free time being voyeuristic, but perhaps either because I have joined the bandwagon about eight months too late, or because I am just not inclined enough to fill out my profile and write on peoples' "walls", I doubt that that will prove to be a distraction. Which is good, coz God knows it doesn't take much to take me away from being productive.

So that's that for now. Hopefully I shall wake up bright and early tomorrow morning, full of energy and a desire to get things done ... will bound out of bed, get ready, make a hearty breakfast, and study for a few hours before lunch. I have a small drama thing to go for at 4, which should last a couple of hours, at which time I shall go and exercise. A delicious dinner will follow another couple of hours of studying, at which time I shall go to bed - happy, content and satisfied.

Or I'll wake up at about 9, dawdle around till about 1, curse myself for having wasted the day, decide it isn't worthwhile doing anything effectual since I anyways have a drama thing at 4, following which I will be too tired to do anything but go and eat some high calorie food, and will then sit in my papasan chair and stare at the TV till it's time for me to go and drop on to my bed after having had such a tiring day!

Oh Lord ... I think I know which plan is going to be followed.