Wednesday, March 26, 2008

South Park rocks

Lu lu lu, I've got some apples,
Lu lu lu, you've got some too.
Lu lu lu, let's make some applesauce,
Take off our clothes and lu lu lu!

LOL !! Butters is amazing :-)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The touch

She felt his hands on her body, and that warm feeling came over her once more. After twelve years of being together, it was almost impossible for her to fall asleep without his touch. She wasn't a romantic, and certainly had never believed in that electric feeling you get when the "right" person touches you for the first time; but it had happened ... on their date so many years ago.

She shifted, and his hands entangled with hers. She smiled at the thought of how uncomfortable he had initially been of sleeping like this. But now, there was no other way he would have it.

She closed her eyes, and waited to drift off. But for the last few nights, her mind kept going back to that morning nine days ago. When she has woken, and known something was amiss even before she opened her eyes.

He was there, and he wasn't.

The frantic 911 call was but a haze, as had been the doctor giving her the news. News - that made it sound so matter-of-fact, so impersonal. She remembered looking at his naked body in the morgue, a day before he would be buried.

Her eyes were unfocussed, but her hands were the opposite. The haze cleared, and she saw herself picking up the cleaver.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

And another story

The flatmate writes.


She walked into the room, and saw her standing by the window, looking out at nothing in particular.

Elle ?

Elle turned around, and faced the source of the voice. She had been expecting her closest friend, Dee, to show up for some time now, and yet, the sight of her made Elle's skin crawl.

So you're here, said Elle, without either pleasure or regret. I read about the train incident and didn't know whether or not you would come.

Don't be silly, Elle ... you know I'm a survivor, she replied. Come, we need to leave.

Leave ? Again ? Dee, I'm really not up to it right now.

She sighed. This was so typical of Elle, who enjoyed the drama, the jostle that they invariably had to have any time a job was over and they were about to move on to the next assignment. Frankly, Dee was getting quite tired of it.

Sweety, she cajoled, why must we always get into this argument ? The system has worked so well for all these years; and we both have gotten what we wanted out of it. Why do we always have to talk about it right at the last minute ?

Because, spat back Elle, as soon as we're done, you leave. Leave me to look for someone else, lonely and alone. Do you realize how difficult it is to start over ? How many times have I asked you to come with me, but you hardly ever do. Oh Dee, please ... let's go together ?

Elle, we've been through this before. You know it's always much tougher when I come with you right at the beginning. We are very different people, Elle, you know that. They do not accept me the same way they accept you. Please, let's just go.

But it's always the same story. There is never any change. Dee, oh Dee, can't there be another way ?

Elle, I try very hard to keep it interesting, said Dee, her voice cold as ice. I vary the routine as much as I can ... as do you. But I am not going to stand here and argue about changing everything just because you're having doubts. It's time to go, Elle.

Elle stared long and hard at her, and finally gave in. She held her best friend's hand, and they both walked out of the room.

The bleeps on the heart monitor stopped. He died.

Friday, March 14, 2008

And so it happened ...

You know you'll never win.

Don't be foolish, old man. I now know everything you do.

Everything ?

Yes, I know it all. Didn't think this day would actually come, did you ?

I cannot decide whether to laugh at you, or simply pity you.

Haa! Pity ?? Pity is what I feel for you now. Your words cannot frighten me any more. They're all going to come with me, don't you see ?

Oh, but I do see ... I see a lot more than you realize.

This cryptic talk might work on people who don't understand who you are, but it doesn't make me shake with fear. You have no influence over me. And soon, very soon, you will be nothing but a memory.

Even after all these years, you remain adamant. You have great potential, but your arrogance clouds your judgement.

You are yet to see what I'm truly capable of. And I will show you. No one will remember who you were.

I see I cannot help you, son. I'm sorry, but you must go away.

And who will make me ?

I have but to say it.

Then say it, I dare you. I DARE YOU.

Leave, Lucifer.

I spy with my little eye

I was brushing my teeth right now, just before getting into bed, and a thought struck me. What would be more scary - looking into the mirror and seeing the reflection of someone else standing right behind you, or looking into the mirror and not recognizing the only reflection that stared back ?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Two thumbs down

I am happy to announce that I have finally had the pleasure of meeting Ebert and Roeper, or the lesser paid version - Ebertmama and Roeperinju. This is my attempt at Telegu- and Japan-o-fying the names. I know - I should kill myself.

But since all five readers of this blog have an even more boring life than me ... correction ... all three readers of this blog now ... here is the story -

So I was at the food court, happily sitting on a four vaali table in the sun (no, I was not being a loser and a pain by (a) being at the food court all alone and (b) occupying three more seats than needed - all references to my size can please be stuffed) , about to enjoy my gyro plate; while the flatmate was taking absolutely ages to arrive with his plate of spicy noodles (yes, I see the flatmate outside of the flat too - but refuse to elevate his status to friend - at least, and only, for the purpose of this blog !! Flatmate - kindly ignore and continue to cook the amazing food you make. Merci.); when E and R plonked themselves down on two of the three seats, of course, after first asking for permission, since I was looking at them with my usual air of disdain as they stood besides the table, greedily eye-ing the seats ( and perhaps my food!!). No, I don't have too many friends. How did you guess ?

Yenyhoo, they started chowing down on some mixed vegetable and naan or something, and Ebertmama (I can't help it ... I still find the name funny) decided to give Roeperinju a discourse on a movie that's just been released - 10,000 B.C. (I hope I get some money for this muft ki advertising). Now it turns out that R had seen the movie only recently, and for some reason, E's views were the exact opposite of R's. So whenever R would say something nice about the movie, E would vehemently and repeatedly contradict it. Please note that I cannot be blamed for eavesdropping - they were both right next to me!! Please also note that the flatmate has yet to arrive - damn noodles.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, and after E had gone on and on about the cinematography, direction and action in the movie, he revealed that he had not ... I repeat - NOT ... in fact seen the movie, but gathered all this from the trailer. I almost choked on my pita bread. Pretentious cow kahin ka. R also looked like he was ready to commit Harakiri on E. Wikipedia enthusiasts would probably be raring to point out that Harakiri (or Seppuku) is done on ones' own self. I know. That's the irony, idiots.

E then went on to compare the movie to some random movie about Madrasi men working with paper binders, or so I thought, as he mentioned Appa-Clips. R looked equally flummoxed, but mama E was shaking his head quite vigorously, while simultaneously raising his eyebrows and rolling his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. I shifted a little bit in my seat, thinking he was about to break into a Kathak performance. That did not happen. What did happen, however, was my eyes bulged and the water I was sipping came out of my nose as I realized that E was actually talking about Apocalypse Now !!!!!! I swear ... it took all my strength to keep me from saying something like "Whaaaatt raa ... rubbishh maaamuu", and then throwing the water at his face !!

R kinda smiled (these polite Japs!) and went on to compare 10,000 B.C. to 300. Thankfully, the flatmate arrived at about this time and I switched off from E and R. Ok .. the truth - we both got busy eavesdropping. Oh stop judging us.